These past few days I was at a conference in Indianapolis with Cru, the Christian group I'm part of on campus. In all honesty, the night before the conference I was 99% sure I wasn't going anymore. I had had a rough week and was so overwhelmed that all I wanted to do was to rest.
But I went. And I can safely say that I have no regrets.
Now I'm not saying that the conference was all kicks and giggles. It was rough, and I was a hot mess the whole time. Things I thought I had dealt with two years ago, that had crept back into my life this past summer in Detroit, were this time thrown so plainly in my face that I had no choice but to deal with them plain and square.
One night in particular, during the evening talk, I found myself leaving the meeting early--the meeting was about following Jesus where He leads, and I wasn't quite in the mood to listen to a spiel on surrendering my rights to a God who I wasn't too pleased with at the moment. I was about halfway to the elevator (to return to my room) when a friend suddenly popped up beside me, apparently having followed me after seeing me leave. We found ourselves in the prayer room, and before I knew it, my perfect composure became a drenched, melting puddle on the floor. My walls came crashing down, and my anger with God skyrocketed.
Sometimes I think we forget the simplest truths that make Christianity what it is. Like how, because Jesus died for us, His Spirit comes to rest in us when we accept Him as our Savior. It's so easy for me to forget this when I'm going through trials. I'm so quick to get angry at God and demand why He has left me to deal with everything on my own. But if Jesus' Spirit is truly inside of me, then this is also true: that everything I experience, He experiences. Evey tear I cry, He cries. Every rejection, hurt, and adversity I experience, He experiences. And every time I think God has left me, I'm wrong: "When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit" -Ephesians 1:13. Note how I bolded and underlined that--sealed. That means it's a done deal. He never leaves us.
Now, I'm not a huge fan of New Year's resolutions (mostly because I lack self-motivation about two weeks in) but this year I think I have a pretty worthwhile resolution, and that's believing that God is good in every trial and every joy. I will choose to cling to this truth as I enter into the new year. And all I have left to say is, bring it on! I've got something worth fighting for, and His Spirit lives inside of me.